Tower

Never say I don't need you, or that your presence here is inconsequential.

I am not deliberately harsh; however harshly deliberate I may be.

If I am as the lightning bolt, then those about whom I care the most are as the pile of rubble I have made . . . but only momentarily, as their destiny is so much more than that.

I am merely here to hold up a mirror, I am an instrument, an incentive, a way of catalyzing a change which is so direly needed.

Further explanation is unnecessary, even presumptuous . . .

But know only this - this is the one thing I do without ego. You merit all due credit for crystallizing this notion and bringing it to light from out of the murkiest depths of my subconscious.

For this, and all other reasons, I love you always . . .

Eyes

You move like I want to
To see like your eyes do . . .

215 days
have flown by like a dream
another day
but for me a revelation
awakening . . .

but now,
have I lost my new eyes?

I was
so willing to
loosen my grasp

I can't now believe
how quickly
how easily
how soon
it faded from view

~93

Pique

Watching
From the outside
As I spin out of control
Anger consumes me
What it leaves behind is hollow
Negligible
A husk of the person I once was

I thought I was beyond this
Because it's been so long
But I'm not

I'm not immune to losing control,
Not immune to forgetting to harness
The beasts of my rage.

Seven Deadly Sins Survey

I've gotten a few e-mails requesting some more information about me. Well, seeing as that is highly classified and/or excessively boring, I took a survey instead. I hope this answers all of the questions you may have, and most of the ones you didn't want to ask . . .

Seven Deadly Sins Survey:

Wrath
Who did you last get angry with?	Some random bad driver.
What is your weapon of choice?	My mouth
Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?	Only in self defense.
How about the same sex?	See above
Who was the last person who got really angry at you?	My father
What is your pet peeve?	Weakness
Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?	I usually let them go . . . it's useless to waste energy on active hatred.
Sloth
What is one thing you're suppose to do daily that you haven't?	Writing
What is the latest you've ever woken up?	12:30 pm . . . after going to bed at 10:00 am
Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't?	Several old friends
What is the last lame excuse that you made?	I can't go out because I have nothing to wear.
Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?	Only in a drunken and/or hypnopompic state.
How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock this morning?	Twice
Gluttony
What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?	I never touch coffee . . . but I do have expensive tastes in liquor.
Are you a meat eater?	Chicken and fish only, no red meat.
What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outing/event?	I really don't remember . . .
Are you comfortable with your drinking and eating habits?	Yes
Do you enjoy candy and sweets?	Yes
Which do you prefer: sweets, salty foods or spicy foods?	Depends on my mood . . . I alternate between them all equally.
Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought, "lunch"?	No
Greed
How many credit cards do you own?	Two
If you had a million dollars, what would you do with it?	Spend every cent.
Would you rather be rich or famous?	I'd like to be famous for being rich.
Would you accept a boring job if it meant that you would make megabucks?	Isn't that what I'm doing now?
Pride
What's one thing that you have done that you're most proud of?	I can't narrow it down to just one.
What's one thing you have done that your parents are most proud of?	Moving out and staying out.
What thing would you like to accomplish late in your life?	I'd like to publish a book or own my own antiques business.
Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?	Sometimes.
Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?	Occasionally
Have you ever cheated to get a better score?	Never needed to.
What did you do today that you're proud of?	Got all of my work done today, because I have a day off tomorrow.
Lust
How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies, family, strippers, locker rooms)?	I'm having trouble counting . . . let me take off my shoes.
How many people have seen you naked (not counting physicians, doctors, family, locker rooms, or when you were a young child)?	See above.
Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a person of your chosen sex during a normal conversation?	Yes
What is your favorite body part of a person of your gender choice?	All of them
Have you ever had sexual encounters (including kissing/making out) with multiple persons?	Yes
Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?	No
Envy
What item of your friends would you most want to have for your own?	Nothing, I have the ability to get what I want.
Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?	Any random person - but only for a day.
If you could be anyone who existed in the world, who would you be?	Myself
Have you ever been cheated on?	Yes
Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?	Yes, but only fleetingly.
What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?	There aren't many that I don't already possess.
What deadly sin...
Do you do the most often?	I try to do most of them daily.
Do you do the least often?	Envy or Sloth
Is your favorite to act on?	All of the fun ones.
Take this survey or other MySpace Surveys at PimpSurveys.com

Annularis

"Thou strivest ever; even in thy yielding thou strivest to yield - and lo! Thou yieldest not."

I finally understand what it is that I want from you . . . what I want is just to want, as it makes me feel alive, just a little less jaded, just a little less indifferent. For so long I have strived to command such a consummate control over my life, only to find out that it’s boring me. And yet, even in my recognition, I endeavor to control this, too.

Restless, never satisfied, I either want it all or nothing. I ruin nothing by turning it into something, and turn all into none on a transient whim. Realization does nothing to alleviate this inescapable cycle, this inevitable pattern. It still thrills me to get what I never wished to have.

insquequo deinde
~93

*quote from Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente vel LVX, I:44

Expansion

The moment hits and I descend into the far reaches of rain-soaked deserts and tropical tundras of perplexity and color. I'm like a rock in a pond; consciousness and reality and coherence come and go like ripples of icy-cool water. Free of all encumbrances native to life, religion and politics, I dive down into the liquid emotion and find it is a long while before I must resurface for a breath.

I speak to the lights and the darkness the with the quietly cacophonous voice of existence beyond death. I dance with the denizens of my own private forest, who fill my as yet empty cup with premonitions of a history I've never studied. I float on like a mesmeric, majestic dragon and breath the fire of omni-sentient butterflies. Rainbows appear in a field of green grass, leading nowhere and everywhere at once. Halos of sunshine surround like an aura, illuminating all I have ever wondered or even thought to wonder. Cloud whispers dance seductively with my psyche. Wisdom hangs on the air like so much smoke.

I do not fear death, only a return from whence I came. Everyone and every thing is indubitably, unimpeachably, infinitely real in my sphere. Knowledge is ripe for the picking, shiny and red or green or gold, or black as the night, blue as the sea, or purple as the sunset. In the house with open windows and unlocked doors, I discovered the future and the past as one . . .

insquequo deinde
~93

Emergence

Dawning springtime sunshine rises over the tall tree canopy and floods the greenish blackness of the night with its warm crystalline hue. The rays of the early morning sun chase shadows from the corners of the earth. Shamash rises with such brilliance, such intensity - he sets the landscape aflame. Life crawls up from the darkest recesses and into my view . . . Dawn.

They say every trip has its turning point; every journey has its revelations - what will you take with you when you come crawling back home to the murky depths of reality?

(I've heard the mind's interior is nice this time of year.)

insquequo deinde
~93