Impulsion

Darkly detrimental, though it tastes so good
Acuminating my senses, like I knew it would

The arms of my favorite vice envelop me like a familiar lover, comforting me through the darkest hours of every season. I need it like I need nothing else on this earth. I need it because it is the only thing I have ever really wanted. I need it because to want, to need, is as close to humanity as I dare to get.

This aspiration, this most implacable intemperance, drives me ever onward toward the gentle embrace of my fixation. I find myself conquered again and again by my ignoble proclivities.

I am that which I desire; by becoming this, I cease to be all other things. This is the annihilation of self through the intensification of the ego. My unquenchable thirsts are as a mantra - built up only to be torn down.

insquequo deinde
~93

Amaurosis-In-Vogue

The moments of my youth have been replaced by the hours of maturity; I can feel the days slipping, converging on the years of aged aeons, pressing on headlong toward the decades of amenable existence.

The callow caprices of old fade unto cold rationality, and take with them the eyes of inexperience which saw only in shades of black and white, but viewed the world without reservation, without stipulation, and were not afraid to believe consummately or to act with conviction.

Today’s eyes are shaded by the inconsiderable daily details of life: we don’t have time to think in these old terms of black and white because gray abstracts and facts and figures obscure so may of our ideals.

I am convinced
This is what they want . . .

insquequo deinde
~93

Coruscation

The darkness begins to lose its battle with the daytime.
The dawn creeps stealthily in through the gaps in the curtains
Undeterred by the growing light, we continue
Fighting the realization that this night will soon come to an end
Taking with it the pleasure of the clandestine darkness
And replacing it with the cold clarity of the day
In which we cannot hide, cannot help but to be laid bare
All of our flaws in perfect palpability
Fighting our carefully constructed dusk illusions
And the phantasmagorias of our twilight artifice

insquequo deinde
~93